I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
