I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
