Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
