let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
