I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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