my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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