Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
