# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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