i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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