I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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