just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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