I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
