you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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