So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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