if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we should paint friendship bongs
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