he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
