2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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