it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
