That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
