how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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