I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
