not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
