Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
