Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
