it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
