Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
