There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
