Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
