So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
