I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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