I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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