I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
