So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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