It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
