she was so not down for the gang bang
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
