Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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