god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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