but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
