Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
