but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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