just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
