I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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