Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
4 words: hood of his car
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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