my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
