More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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