i just had sex bonerless
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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