i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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