C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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