Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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