New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
