evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
