the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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