wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We need a shit load of segways right now
MIDGETS
????
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
