I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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