This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
