Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
