Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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