um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
