Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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