Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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