left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
