new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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