so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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