There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
