I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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