Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
