i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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