You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
